As a Christian, courtship is not a time to be carried away with frivolities, youthful exuberance, following social media trends, and the likes. It is rather a time to start preparing for the lifetime journey ahead of you and your partner.
This is the time you both need to sit down and have deep conversations about the kind of home you will like to build, structures to put in place to achieve this, and more importantly where to adjust and accommodate one another’s view or standpoint.
It is at this period that you can discern the things that are most likely to cause issues when you eventually tie the knot, then prayerfully and mentally tackle them.
Courting a believer like you doesn’t mean the journey is going to be a walk in the park. There will surely be clashing of beliefs and differences of opinions because you both came from different backgrounds, but having the same values as Christians would help you find a middle ground.
Here are some of the areas you need to focus on while courting:
Mindset refers to the mental attitude that determines how you respond and view situations. It refers to the ideologies that you have subscribed to which have become a part of you over time.
When it comes to your partner, you need to know what mindset he/she is having towards certain things.
Not every Christian is your suitable partner, while you may be Christians and both serving God, you can both share different belief systems that can steer you apart when you get married. You need to find out what your partner thinks about prayer, worship, consecration, tithing as well as how you both share beliefs in these areas, so you don’t clash in marriage.
Do two men walk together unless they have made an appointment? Amos 3: 3 (Amplified Version)
2. LORDSHIP AND FELLOWSHIP
Many people are Christians who truly confessed Jesus as their Saviour but are yet to accept Him as the Lord over their lives. They are yet to acknowledge Him as the Highest authority over their lives, hence they are limited in the knowledge and experience of Christ.
While courting, pay attention to your partner’s spiritual life.
Is there is an intimate relationship with God? Or is it just a ritual around believing in God and attending church services?
Do they make decisions based on what God is saying or based on the impulses of their feelings and senses?
Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart
And do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
In all your ways know and acknowledg and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth (removing obstacles that block your way)
Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord (with reverent awe and obedience) and turn (entirely) away from evil. Proverbs 3:5-7 (Amplified Version)
Is your partner accountable to any spiritual mentor or somebody who can guide their life? Do they have a godly authority over them or do they just live their lives the way they want and nobody can call them to order? Who is that authority figure in their life that they honour so much and cannot go against their counsel?
Accountability is important in everyone’s life, it shows how responsible an individual is with their lives. Any man or woman who despises accountability intentionally can become difficult to talk to when things go sour.
Giving is one of the fundamentals of the Christian faith. And it is important that you find out what your partner’s giving lifestyle is.
What’s their giving lifestyle like? Are they the kind of Christians who understand compassion, or are they the type that just focuses on themselves? How far do they go to help others in need? Do they believe that their money is gotten by sweat or that everything they have comes from God and they are stewards of all the resources they have?
What is your partner’s attitude to their spiritual growth? How intentional are they about their personal walk with God? Are they making progress consistently or just static?
Are they the type that is waiting for God to do everything for them, not bothering to be diligent in whatever they do?
Take for instance, a person waiting on God to provide money, when there needs to be a combination of prayer and strategy. Are they proactive?
If they are struggling with any kind of addictions, do they understand that there is a part of watching, in addition to their prayers?
Be sober (well balanced abd self disciplined), be alert and cautious at all times. That enemy of yours, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion (fiercely hungry), seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 (Amplified Version)
Do they have self-control or don’t set boundaries with people, do whatever they like, watch and listen to all manner of content on the media space?
These are serious issues that need to be ironed out in courtship, so you don’t have to fight unnecessary battles in marriage.
You should both seek premarital counselling too, so you have guidance ahead of marriage.
Evaluate your courtship now and work towards being on the same page.